What’s Really Going On

Again, thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your kind comments, emails, tweets, texts, etc. Martell Malone had his bond hearing today. He got the maximum, 15K for each count. Even though his lawyer tried to say his previous arrests weren’t bad and that he was a long time citizen of Mobile. I know it’s her job, but I would like to ask her if she has daughters. Or would like for some creepy man to grab her while she was trying to train and be healthy. And how does she defend scum. Bleh. He will have his “guilty” or “not guilty” in court on Tuesday and I guess I will know if I have to go to court after that.

Here is what is really going on. I’m a bit of a mess. I think I’ve been pushing it out as much as possible and trying to respond to emails and such when I can. But I am overwhelmed. I am tired. I sobbed uncontrollably last night. Ugly face, close to the dry heaving, sobs. I continue to see that POS running at me. I see his smile. It replays in my head. I am not sleeping. I keep thinking about the emails I have received from other women attacked by him. I hate him. I really, really do.

As some of you know, I am in sales, so I am in and out of my car a lot and around many different people throughout the day. I jumped out of my skin when someone was at their car today and I didn’t know it. She scared the crap out of me, and was just standing at her car. I hesitated helping someone with directions because I thought he was going to snatch me. I know, over time, this will get better. I’ve always been a bit of a Nervous Nelly-this is just beyond my normal. I made an appointment with my therapist for tomorrow. I am hoping this helps. I am still so thankful that nothing worse happened. I am not sure what I would be doing if it had.

What I have been doing to keep myself busy:

Monday: meatless monday. Not a problem for me. not a huge appetite that day. Oatmeal with pumpkin and peanut butter, lunch was eggs and an english muffin, dinner was moms gumbo. I don’t even think I snacked. If so, it was a picky bar. And no, I won’t bore you with pics of eggs and oatmeal. Yall know what they look like.

Tuesday: send cards to friends. I did this, but I can’t tell you who I sent them to!

Today: try a new exercise. This is tricky: my time is running out for the New to Me Cross Training so these are going to be a combo. And it may be lame, but you will see soon enough. I have speed work on the schedule, and I can’t screw that up.

Speaking of speed work. Some of you said you actually liked seeing the workouts for the week. I decided I will just give you the previous week, if I hit my goals, etc.

Last week schedule & results:

Monday – 4 miles easy, comfortable pace (somewhere between 8:30-9:00?) ///4 miles on treadmill sub 9 minute pace
Tuesday – yoga ///4 mile walk with my mom and Feel the Burn Beginner class
Wednesday – 6 miles easy ran 6 miles at avg. 8:51 pace in Mobile 
Thursday – Turkey Trot :) 2 mile warmup and then 3.1 Turkey Trot
Friday – rest yes, lots of shopping 
Saturday – 10 easy/long (goal 8:40-9:15?) yes. minus the A hole who ruined mile 8 and my garmin times because I forgot to stop my watch, the miles were mostly sub 9 minute.  I felt great.
Sunday – 4 recovery (thinking around 9:30/10min) OR rest. I had every intention of running when I got back to the Atl. I came home to a leaking freezer. Plan aborted. I rested. I was exhausted anyway.

Hope that makes sense. The bold is my actual. The regular is what Jess sent me.

I really love Instagram. It’s so fun to see what people are up to each day. I decided since I am a self diagnosed Christmas-a-holic that I would participate in Back at Square Zero’s holiday instagram challenge. Want to join me?

Are you an #elfforhealth?  Every participated in an instagram photo-a-day thing? Will you join me in this one? 

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Elizabeth

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17 Comments

  • Love you, sweetie. I know EXACTLY what you mean. I’m glad you’re talking to someone. You will always have that sense of hyperawareness, but it will ease into cautiousness rather than fear. Thought I still have my moments. I am glad he is behind bars. Let yourself feel emotions. It won’t heal or get better overnight. It’s traumatic, and I hate him for doing this to you. xoxo

  • Bless your heart! You know, I can’t even imagine what you must be going through. I think talking to someone is a good idea too.
    Just put one foot in front of the other and take it day by day. Praying for you!

  • Elizabeth, I am a runner, and do most of my runs at CHP. While serving in the military, I was sexually assaulted. PTSD affected my whole life for many years after this experience. I did began a journey in counseling 15 years ago and I promise you I am praying for you for continued strength in your healing from this trauma, and know that counseling was key to my overcoming the crippling emotions that threatened my health.(stress). Thank you for sharing so much, and know your sister runners are so proud of the strength you have displayed throughout this experience.

  • I’m so angry at what that guy did. In an instant, he changed you and it’s so unfair. It will definitely take time to process, recover, and feel more at ease but will will come. BIG hugs to you!

  • you WILL get to the place where you cannot see his face in your head. it will take a little time but you will and the same with the sleeping, I took tylenol pm for 3 weeks I think…I know it is not good but at some point a gal has to sleep! you are strong, stronger than you know…

  • Hugs to you sweet friend. I am sorry that you have to go through all of this right now. I hate that POS too. What an effing slim bag, bleep, bleep, bleep. I am really glad that you made an appt. with your therapist. I hope that you will feel better after your appt. I always feel better when I talk to mine. I tend to let everything get bottled inside until I am on the verge of exploding. My therapist helps keep me in check.

    I really wanted to see a picture of your eggs. I am kind of bummed you didn’t take a picture! 😉 Honestly, I really am kidding. It drives me nuts when people post on their blogs everyday what they ate. I am 29 yo. I know what coffee looks like, what eggs look like, what most sandwiches look like, etc. :-)

    I have never participated in an instagram photo challenge before, but you know how much I love instagram. I have seen other people blog about it this week. I just might have to join you!

    HUGS!!!!!!!!!!

  • If it helps too, I felt the same way after I got chased. I had bad nightmares for months. Then again I was only 15 when it happened to me. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts. Email me if you need to vent. I also didn’t have a therapist at the time. Maybe I would have recovered from the ordeal faster if I had. I was lucky and didn’t have to testify due to my age, but I did have to pick the guy out of a line up. It was really scary for me. :/

  • I hope you recover mentally quickly… hopefully the therapist will be able to tell you tips and ways make your heebyjeebies go away. <3
    I'm so glad you're taking part in #holidayaday challenge! We really hope to get a good following and boost all our blogs/social media since most of us are still growing!

  • Ugh, sorry you are struggling, it’s completely normal and I can’t even imagine what you are going through. It’s better to let it all out thought, talk about it! Glad you are going to see a therapist, I bet that will help. Keeping it in won’t do anything, but make it worse. Feel better soon Elizabeth!!!

    I love Instagram too :)

  • Sorry to hear about this! I promise that we aren’t all like that. Most of us are complete gentlemen. Still, I always worry about my female running friends she they are out on their own. There are many places near where I live that I wouldn’t even run in.

    Good to hear that you have some distractions. Exercise is always my salvation these days, so hope that that and the professional help will speed up your recovery.

  • I am in on that Insty challenge and its my first!
    I hate what that POS did to you. I went thru jury selection last year and the guy was being tried for something similar. They dismissed me as soon as they heard I had girls, was a Brownie leader, GOTR coach, etc. People like that make my skin crawl. More healing hugs to you!
    I’ve found Zensah stuff on sale at race expos in running store booths not by Zensah itself. Keep an eye out for it. : )

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